Hare's Application Posts

Hello, My name's FieryNyan/Ares, and I'm here to check your app

1. You can't be both Adventurer and Criminal. An Adventurer is someone who travels around, without being bounded to any Kingdom by his own free will. A criminal, on the other hand, is forced to travel around, because he's wanted, and he travels around to escape the guards, etc.

2. Please fill up a Title and rank

3. Can you expand on the overall Appearance? Instead of just describing his outfit and clothings, maybe you can touch more on his physical body? Like is he over weight? Is he buff? Etc etc

4. You need minimum 5 likes and dislikes each. Also, if possible, elaborate on each likes and dislikes. Why does he like/dislike them? How much does he like/dislike it? How much is this motivation affecting him?etc.

5. Expand on your motivation. What about his family is he motivated for? To prove his family is strong? Make his family proud? Or what? Why did he gain such motivation, and with that motivation, what is he trying to achieve/accomplish?

6. You need 3 fears. And expand on them. Why is he afraid it? And maybe much more extension. Let your fingers flow like a river while expanding all these

7. For your conversations, please please use the proper punctuations

That's all for now! Edit the necessaries and post when you have edited! Over and out

Alright so, I already have an issue lore - wise in your history. Camelot is a new kingdom. It is certainly not more than 800 years old, something your history implies. 100 years at best, as there has up to date only been a single king in Camelot. I haven't given a specific count of years, but the fact that the plot page reads "the relatively young kingdom " kind of implies that it isn't old and certainly not nearing a milennium. I don't know about you, but 800 years is a freakishly long time. I would say that Danafor, the kingdom I have made out to be the oldest kingdom is 800 years at best.

That said, you need to change the age disposition in your entire history. And I would suggest, perhaps just make your character younger? I see no reason for him to be 1850 years old if the first millennium consisted of literally nothing noteworthy. Seeing the amount of history and the age of Camelot, I would suggest you make him 500 years old at best.

Then there are some discrepancies with what I have decided is fact for Camelot and what you have written for Camelot. The people don't elect kings in Camelot. The king is quite literally just the on who proves himself the most worthy, largely by contesting his physical strength.

Additionally, if you want a relation with THE previous KING of Camelot (of which there was only one) then I suggest you got a bit more in depth regarding his character. Overall, your history shows me that you haven't regarded any of the already sparse amount of lore I have crafted for Camelot, not to mention other Kingdoms. You can finde it in the Plot and Titles subforum.

Any who, your history is the one big construction site I see for this application. Your personality is approvable and the rest seems fine. Apart from perhaps describing his appearance a bit more in depth, but that is just me.

Bump when your history is reworked.

Bumpy bump bump

First, change your rank to Experienced. Honestly, the app isn't good enough to be a master's. It'll be best for us to see you grow through RP.

'Bout your history. Just make it simple and normal. Don't need a war that has never happened in history. Try to make your character more down to earth. However, if you want to make your history one that affects this whole site's RP Universe, please be more specific. If not, make it a normal one like everyone of us lol(The reason why our history isn't affect the RP world is because it'll be too complicated to type lol)

Alright, after everything I've seen from you, it's apparent that your effort to actually improve the quality of this application runs towards nil. You only change precisely what we ask you to, then run back and ask if it's alright.

Change your rank to Experienced in the application, that's where we will be going from.

Alright, if you have no issues with it I will approve this at Rank 3-5. Is that fine with you?

yup

yeah